i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
