we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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