remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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