the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
