Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
