I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
