You don't have asthma, your pregnant
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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