This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
