I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
