o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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