In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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