My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
