Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
