I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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