i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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