Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
