yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
