Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
