She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I think your dad took our porno
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
