I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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