ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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