I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
