It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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