WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
