Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
