Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
