I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
