My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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