I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
