there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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