dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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