so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
