I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
