I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
