spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
