Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
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he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
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I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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