We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
third nipple confirmed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
