I am puke
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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