He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
