I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
