I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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