i just google imaged poop.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
