Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
