I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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