don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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