im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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