I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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