you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
