I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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