I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Let's paint friendship bongs
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
