I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
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My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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