Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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