You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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