I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
