We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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