Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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