just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
