he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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