look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
