would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
pray to the hookup gods
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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