i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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