1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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