smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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