Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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