Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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