the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
